Woody Allen once posed the question: “How do you make God laugh?”, providing the answer: “You tell Him your plans”. I reckon the Good Lord sometimes does have a sense of humour. In 2009 and 2010 when we were coming over from Cyprus to visit Suffolk and think about moving back, we had 80% dry, warm and frequently sunny weather. Ho, ho, sayeth the Lord, fooled you, didn’t I? In the 21 months since re-settling it seems to have rained most of the time. When I got up this morning on the 24th May, not only was the garden wet but the temperature outside was 8?C.
Are we down-hearted? Only slightly. But not just at the English weather. Catering hasn’t really improved since 1991 when we emigrated to Cyprus. In some respects it is worse – and I put this down to the “advances” in catering, allowing every kind of “ready-meal” to be come on to the market. These meals are not just available to us consumers from our supermarkets; chefs of all kinds of eating places now have access to them. Thus, the only skills the Pub “Chef” might need are those of package opening, de-frosting (when necessary), de-canting and heating up. No longer does he or she even have to peel potatoes, cut and cook chips – just get them out of a pack and put them in a hot oven. One local pub we lunched at recently proudly announced that its chips were real whole potatoes, peeled, cut and freshly fried. True. They were wonderful. And the pub today? Shut.
How do you tell whether the Chef is rattling the pans or heating up ready meals? One way is the length of the menu. One hotel restaurant my wife and I recently had a meal in offered, among many others, dishes as diverse as: Madras Curry Chicken; Red Snapper with pepper sauce; Lamb Shank; Moussaka and Steak and Kidney Pie. Clearly bought in ready to heat. The dishes we ate weren’t bad, but not worth the cost. So, look for a short menu of things that look as if they’re going to be cooked then and there. Try and take advise from people whose attitude to food you respect.
In the past couple of weeks, we have been to Essex three times and not had one good meal (apart from breakfast at a Holiday Inn). In a country pub with “AA Rosettes”, tourism awards and press praise for its food, I had the very worst meal I have had for as long as I can remember – an asparagus, Brie and tomato tart, which was unbelievably soggy, but had been over-heated-up, shrivelling the asparagus and burning the edge of the pastry. Sadly, I couldn’t complain because it was a family celebration. Other members of the party fared little better – chicken fillet was overcooked, dry and stringy, a Scotch egg stale and a seafood salad “tired”.
At a hotel where we had been told the food was good, we had a most indifferent meal with a “recommended” Shepherd’s Pie outstandingly poor. At another “Gastro Pub” fish, chips and other main courses that were badly cooked and badly heated up.
And yet, everywhere we’ve been, people at neighbouring tables have clearly liked the huge platefuls of grub put before them. So are we odd ones out? I think probably so. Perhaps in general people in this country don’t really have much interest in good food. Of course they read about it in countless newspaper and magazine articles, they watch lots of TV food programmes, and then they go to their supermarket or take-away and get a ready meal.
If you care about catering standards, what can you do? Complaining can be unpleasant and can spoil a good occasion. But now we can go On-Line to sites like Trip Advisor and write our comments, favourable and unfavourable. These are not only seen by other customers and intending clients, but by the places themselves. I suggest making your comments well balanced – if there is something good about the place, as well as faults, mention that, too. You can also write to me, at editor@eastward-ho.com
Reading through my comments above, it may seem they apply to ALL catering establishments. This, of course, is not so. However, the thread seems to be that where a company owns the place (say a brewery or hotel chain), catering is cost-conscious throughout and the cooking is formulaic at best. Where an individual owner or chef is on hand things are better (if sometimes more expensive). To eat really well you have to pay a lot of money. But, I believe good real cooking is possible lower down the scale, too.
